As I continue, growing more and more in this daddy role, I continue learning new things. About myself , my son, life. Oddly enough I find myself learning as much from my 4 yr old as I hope to be teaching him. A few days ago, “the kid” taught me a pretty inspired lesson about life in general through his own embracing of what I was trying to teach him. Confused yet? Let me explain…
So my son has pretty much had a serious fear to washing his hair and face. I guess he experience the sensation of soap in the eyes one to many times and became traumatized– and very mistrusting over the entire washing process. For that reason, we always kept his hair cut low and had to be extremely careful anytime water dared to come anywhere near his neck upward.
This particular day, he was having a serious ‘fear flair-up’, refusing to even want to get into the water at all. Ordinarily in such a situation, I would’ve been more aggressive with getting him to comply, or just forcing him, by the sheer fact that I can simply pick him up and do what i want. Lol! I know, not so nice. However… these
days, my spiritual awakening has caused me to be more open and loving in all things… a real pain in the but for a rough guy like me at times. Lol! Still, as I learn to trust and be brave by coming from my heart more (ungh… I sound like a … *smh* unghh)… I’m able to be more loving and understanding in dealing with my kid’s pain in the ass moments.
So as ‘the kid’ was dealing with his own issues I found myself dealing with my own. Choosing to address his issue differently, instead of forcing him to wash I talked with him. We discussed his desire to let his hair grow, the need to wash it and his fear of washing it. I gave him the choice to cut it as usual, but he was pretty determined to let it grow. So I decided to talk to him about trust. What trust is and trusting in daddy to help him and take care of him. Then i talked to him about him choosing to trust and then him choosing to be brave. I framed it in a common bedtime story I often tell. I sometimes make up bedtime storied where the characters are based on him and his world to try and teach him a lesson. So hearing me tell him of his favorite character ,”Prince Zayden” and his chance to choose to be brave… the talk struck a chord in him. I could literally see an epiphany flash across his eyes as I told him about it being OK to be afraid, but choosing to be brave in spite of it.
Suddenly, he embraced the idea, wholeheartedly. Before I knew it he was braced in hair washing position ready to be brave saying to me “C’mon daddy!” then repeating to himself “you can do it Zayden… you can do it!”. I was floored… first the simple fact of me taking things easy and choosing to be loving and talk with him work, over falling in the resistance trap of yelling, arguing and force… actually worked?!! Then how easy it was for him to take on the aspects we briefly discussed, traits I try to demonstrate, and often have struggled with in the past. Trusting others, trusting myself… being brave in the face of fear… to watch him take them all on like a champ. Some how my moment of me teaching him, became a moment of him showing me….and I was blown away. We went on from me washing his hair to him washing all the rest of himself and doing a good job at it.
Since then I’ve seen his confidence shoot up and his willingness to try new things outside of what he is comfortable or familiar with. It’s only been a few days… but I’m loving it and hope he continues the trend. It the tangible moments like these where you can see how your efforts is help your seed grow that really bring the since of pride us father have.
Would love to hear some of your proud teaching moments out there. Please share some of your experiences and insights in the comments below!
Peace and Blessings yah’ll