living while dying

Okay, you gotta forgive my dramatics.

Yes I know, we’re all dying in that esoteric, everything comes to an end, sort of way. However, I’m talking in a more, literal dying sense… as we all indeed are. Some at a more rapid pace than others but ultimately it’s all going in that direction.

I live with a condition called sickle cell, a hereditary blood disorder that causes anemia and disabling complications throughout life.  Technically it is a disability, but I’ve spent so much of my life refusing to live limited, I sometimes forget that I do have limitations, at least until it puts me on my ass, like with the stroke I had recently.

living while dying3

To be honest, when I think of it, it is a miracle I’ve lasted this long, considering in my youth all conventional medical wisdom said I wouldn’t live through my 20’s. Go figure, because here I am thriving and prospering as I approach my forties.  None-the-less, as many Drs. , traditional practitioners of western medicine, continue to try and put a cap on my lifespan, the fact is, I continue to prove them wrong.

All that said, I’ve always managed to overcome such difficulties and hardships in my life, and find a source of strength from it. With modern medicine and technology continually improving, the use of alternative modalities of healing, educating myself, discovering new healthier ways of living, I have consistently managed to break through such negative barriers.  I am not only a survivor,  I am a thriver, constantly striving for something greater, in life, and of myself.

adversity image 2

Still, when crises or other complications occur, it is always a  humbling and sobering reminder of what I am dealing with and the fact that, I am in fact supposedly dying. This most recent episode I am currently dealing with has brought this fact to light for me, clearer than ever. Maybe because I am a father now, with a family, people who depend on me and a young child. Young, but old enough to start noticing that daddy is not invulnerable. that daddy has pains, and get sick.  Old enough to begin having questions and showing concern and worry for me. A sweet kind hearted little boy, whom I never wanted to allow to see me this vulnerable, although I knew it’d eventually happen.

adversity image 1So how does one handle that? Your child realizing your not invulnerable, that you’re human too, with flaws and frailties, pain and weakness. That you just a normal guy, or maybe less than normal, if you believe having a disability, makes someone ‘less than’.  I do not, and I know I cannot abide my child to grow up believing that either. It is my job and duty to teach him, show him better; through wisdom, through actions, by example…


{Tune in for part 2 … to follow shortly}

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