Well first off, Congratulations!! You’re in for a helluva ride…
To kick off your milestone #CultOfDad would like to offer our contribution to the swarm of unsolicited friendly advice, you’ll inevitably be receiving. You’re Welcome!! Lol!
It’s an exciting time… but for the new Dad it might look more scary than exciting. Try to remember, those feeling are two sides of the same coin. Scary or exciting, it’s all how you choose to see it.
Yeah, there are lots of changes in store… whether you like it or not. Change of perspectives, re-evaluating your life. Even the basic choice whether to stay or go… stay with the mommy or no, or if that bundle of joy to big a burden to hold.
Hopefully, you’re past all that, and have an idea of what you want to do, how much you can or want to give. Not necessarily financially, but of yourself; understanding that giving of yourself could be financially, or not.
These are all tough questions, that really no one can answer but you. But if it helps I would say, put away self-judgments and fuck any judgments of others. For a moment let go of concepts like ‘shoulds’ and ‘expectations’. There is no hard and fast, right or wrong. It’s just you, doing the best you can, with the hand your dealt.
I understand the fears and the desires that come along with such major life changes. How will it affect your relationship? What kinda mom will she be? Hell, for that matter what kinda daddy will I be? I have issues with my own dad, can I get it right with my own child? Can I afford it? Is this the right time? Can I still live my life… just be one of the guys? What about sex? … And on and on and on
. The list of fears and doubts can seem endless, it’s so normal to feel these fears and want for self-preservation. However, getting stuck in that madness disempowers and robs you. Robs you of opportunity, of experience, of the chance to decide and declare who the fuck you are… to be, who you want to be.
Over time, I’ve met many fathers – of all kinds, from the stay-at-homes to the work a-holics. Rich dads and poor dads, gay, straight, adopted or surrogate, from full-time primary-care-takers to those with basic visitation. Whatever the circumstances, the main constant I’ve recognized is that we are all navigating as we go, figuring it out, a step at a time and just doing the best we can with the cards we’re dealt.
We may carry different values in the things we feel are important, our reasons, motivations; but at the end of the day none of us really know what we are doing. Just like life and this human experience. The rights and wrongs of it all are bullshit, and all that matters is understanding what best serves you in what you’re trying to accomplish and allowing that to benefit those around you. That same sentiment is the fatherhood experience.
Whether you chose to be more than just ‘Dad’ or you choose to be ‘defined by the noble experience that is being a Dad; becoming a father does not have to compromise who you are. It’s not the marker that deems your life is over, or that you can longer enjoy it or live it how you wish.
Yeah, lets not front, you’re in for some serious changes ahead. There may be difficult times of work and struggle, times where you’ll have to sacrifice and such; but let’s be real… how is that any different from all of life? It [life] changes, it ebbs and flows, and its our job to roll with the punches… we adjust, we adapt, we evolve. Stepping into this new role – one of many roles you have and will continue to play throughout life – is just another step in your evolution.
So try to move past the fear, its an illusion, not real and can hold you back. Yes, be mindful of the realities ahead, but remember that on the other side of change is growth and expansion. Now is the time to put on your big boy short suck it up and face that fear, cuz once you do you’ll realize as I and others have, that the only thing you were fearing, is an abundance of life. That owning your role as Daddy – however you play that position– is not demolishment of who you are, but an adding to. A new phase that can enrich and add more fulfillment to your life, if you let it.
The fear is useless, own your shit, create your life on your terms and continue to be the best you, you can be – and know that is all that necessary for you to be an awesome father
Welcome to the club… welcome to fatherhood… welcome to the community that is ‘Culture of Dad’.
You are the culture that is the #CultOfDad
You got this… and we got you!