It’s that time of year again! The one day of the year, we fathers are culturally celebrated. Although we know better, and accept the love for what we do whenever offered, Culture of Dad wants to wish all the Old Daddies and New… a very happy and Healthy Fathers Day!!
We want to remind you how necessary you are… for your families, your children, and society overall. So take care of and be good to yourselves… so that you can continue being the force you are; the force WE are, the #CultOfDad brotherhood!
With that said, in order to mix things up a bit. Instead of just wishing you a Happy Fathers Day, we want to gift you something of value. 5 sound and proven techniques to aid in keeping your sanity with the kids, the fam… and society overall! Lol!
5. Reconsider your perspective (the way you’re looking at things).
A lot of times, what irks and triggers us most, are in our own heads. Stop , take a moment and consider if there is another way to look at it. Maybe what your kid is doing, isn’t a big enough deal for you to lose your shit over. Are you fighting a pointless battle, or trying to be in too much control. Maybe what is bothering you , is hitting a nerve because it’s something that you want to change about yourself. Or something as simple as taking a step back and using empathy to understand their point of view, with understanding comes a softer heart and more willingness to adjust. Whatever it is, sometimes the path of least resistance is just to let go and walk away from the issue altogether… to spare your sanity and avoid the extra headache.
4. Adjust your communication approach.
Often time, the people (i.e. Kids) and situations that really get under our skin, come from poor or miscommunication. I know its easier to not deal with it, and just expect what you say to be it, but this approach has a way of making other feel defensive and resistant to you. Instead, try adjusting your approach, finessing a situation may lead to much better results with others becoming more compliant and willing to go along with you. You know the old saying, ‘you attract more flies with honey, than vinegar’. Same logic, as tedious and annoying as it may be to open up and fully explain where you are coming from, giving that extra bit of effort can save you hours of headache and frustration down the line. Along that same train of thought, offering a please, or thank you or adjusting your tone to be more approachable can go a long way to smoothing over many difficult situations. Go ahead, get on their level, try to connect and be understood… It wont hurt – much.
3. Create options and offer choices.
You’ve seen the Matrix, right? Remember when Neo met the architect of the matrix, and was told that the original matrix – a perfect utopia – failed! They didn’t get the program right, until they realized that people needed a choice in order to feel content with their lives. No matter how little or bad the choice was, as long as there was a choice, people would accept the matrix. Although this was a movie, this bit of script was very accurate to human psychology. According to Alan Kazdin, – (established author, director of the Yale Parenting center and Professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University) – Providing ‘real choice is not anywhere near as important in life, as the perception of choice… in giving choice, you increase compliance’. (Paraphrased from CNN interview on dealin with defiant children) . Not that We needed a 3rd party to validate what is already known, but having an expert confirm exactly how this works helps to better understand the psychology behind it. When given a choice, regardless of how ridiculous it is- or isn’t- people are much more likely to comply, feeling as though they had some say and got enact their free will in their choice. I’ve used this technique with great result for years. For example – the kid is fighting bedtime, so given a choice between going to bed, or getting punishment he almost always chooses to peacefully give in and go to bed. Although it was a sucky common sense lesser of two evils kind of choice, it works because he would always rather go to bed at his regular time than loosing video game privileges the next day, etc. *side note – done right this also works on adults to although with them being more developed and aware, the choices usually have to be better balanced. Still a great way to reduce headaches!
2. Recompose yourself
Sometimes, there isn’t much you can do beyond sayin ‘F* It!’ and walking away for a bit. Not forever, but for as long as reasonably possible, to pull your shit back together. Time outs don’t always work for kids and others, but they can do wonders for you! If you need to take 5 – 10 15-20 minutes away to go to you breath, meditate, zone out etc. Do It! Better that, than flipping out and losing it! If you have a support team to help, even better. Maybe mommy of family can watch the kid, or distract and divert their attention to something else, so you can get away from that issue that’s triggering you. This also works with adults and situations, I will almost always choose to put whatever issue on pause and walk away for my own sake than pursue other peoples agendas and BS that is driving me crazy. No one cares about your sanity until you flip out… and unfortunately, that is way too late. So it is up to you, to do what you have to, in order to maintain it.
Bribe, beg, threaten and … eliminate (joking).
When also else fail, the last resort, in this order: Bribe, beg, threaten then… ‘eliminate’ the problem. Start with bribery, its the easiest to stomach… whatever you willing to give up or trade in exchange for what you need is always an
incentive. If that doesn’t work… slice another sliver of your ego away, and get to groveling… ‘Please, Please… you have to do this or I’m going to go insane!!!’. When placating yourself doesn’t work, pick your balls back up and get to the menacing threats! ‘Listen you! … Im warning you!!!’ … and if your issue still hasn’t been resolved… well its time to Eliminate the problem… there is always the window… or give me a call… I know a guy 😉 … lol!
**That last one I’m clearly joking… please don’t eliminate anyone! If you do… don’t mention the #CultOfDad … we will plead the 5th, Deny, deny, deny and provide this end addendum of proof that the elimination line was just a joke not to be tried at home… or anywhere else for that matter.
Blessings to you all! and a very Happy Fathers Day!! Try not to go crazy this year!