Ok yahll… truth time…
At least once a day, I get sick of my kid. Absolutely 100%
I know, its a ‘taboo’ thing to admit publicly for parents, but it’s the truth. I love my son, and about half the time I really really like him. He’s smart, and funny, pretty good manners, respectful, imaginative, creative…and on and on. At least to an extent. In many ways, I can truly see a lot of the positive fruits of my labors shining brightly within him.
That said, there is a HUGE chunk of time when I can’t stand him. He irks me… gets on my nerves, can be a smart alec (at the completely wrong times). Never knows when to be quiet or when to stop playing and be serious. Talks back way too much for my liking, questions everything that he shouldn’t, can be completely oblivious to the most basic things (like other people)…An overall mess magnet. Just a real unmanageable 5 yr old kid! Aka… A total Pain in the ass! and lets not get started on when he is completely tired or overexerted… then, everything goes out the window and all HELL breaks loose!!! … But again, that’s only SOME of time.
Still, part of me feels like a jerk, for not being an over the top romantic about child raising. Don’t get me wrong… I love this lil booger to the fullest… one of my most favorite people in the world! But he is also one of my biggest triggers and teachers through all the crap we go through together. It’s life as a Dad, ya know?!
I wish I could be more romantic and idyllic like so many others, but that’s not me and that’s not what the #CultOfDad is about. This is the place where we can get together and be real about our experiences owning our roles in this process. If we sugar-coat the realities, we leave no room to learn, process and grow through it.
The fact of the matter is fatherhood can be hard at times… it’s hard to admit that there are times when I’m not feeling this kid, because it makes me feel less than. I can see my own shortcomings in it. Like my need for control or desire for power, respect and authority over my own family. It’s hard to take that step back and see those things. My lack of patience, or my own stubborn attitudes, etc. It hard to think that this life I created… this life that I like to think of as being ‘mine’… truly is not mine. He’s his own autonomous being with his own wants and needs. And his pushing and triggering me (aka pissing me off) forces me to look at myself and what I may be doing wrong. Or how can I improve on myself to reduce those shortcomings I see.
Yet, that is what this process does. It is an opportunity to not only take care of and guide others, but to look at oneself and continue to grow and improve yourself in the process. I did not always like my teachers in school, but I always appreciated and had some love for those that guided me and taught me something of value. ‘Dadding’, is no different, we may not always like our kids… because they provide opportunities to look at and learn about ourselves. To guide us in a sense and teach us HARD lessons in our own growth.
Sure we can choose to be less aware and not acknowledge or accept that. We can choose to be the tough guy and insist our way goes without actually making the effort to evolve ourselves… but then we are just choosing to continue same cycles and the same negative experiences we had growing up…. those same experience that did us so much harm. I for one am making the effort to choose otherwise…
So as painful as it may be sometimes… cheers to our little pain in the ass teachers helping us evolve, so that we in turn can give them the best of us!
If your can relate, you’re SOOOO not alone! Sound of in the comments below!