I had profound epiphany this week. Enlightening and heartbreaking at the same time.
While in morning meditation I realized I had a deep rooted belief I was never aware of. A belief that I now see had been sabotaging me, my life and all my efforts for who know how long?!
I realized, deep down I looked at my self as NOTHING.
A do-nothing, a be-nothing, incapable of nothing, always destined to amount to nothing.
It was a belief so deeply rooted I had no idea it was even there.
All these years, doing the work, self-development, facing demons, shadows, letting go of past pains, traumas… embracing the light, forgiving myself, accepting myself, learning to like myself, to love myself, etc…
All to lead to this moment, to discover this deep heartbreaking truth… the deeply buried belief that I am nothing?!
At the discovery I was shocked… Truth resonates and can be felt viscerally, in the body. The realization of this hit me so hard… I cried.
Deep in my meditation, eyes sealed shut … I could feel the tears welling up in my 3rd eye, the only eye that was open…
And I hate crying… yet it is so purging and cleansing when to be able to let go of such pain and heartache.
*Sigh* and I sat the crying from my 3rd eye [for what seemed like forever, but was probably just a few minutes] till the actual tears began to slip through my shut eyelids and roll down my face.
After, I spent the rest of my meditation beginning the work the work reprogramming, forgiving myself for harbor such self destructive beliefs. My heart broke for myself and I found myself having to put it back together.
Starting to fill this hole and void from this excavated negative false beliefs with my truths. filling that space with self-love, understanding and forgiveness for all the ways I let myself down. For all the time I unknowingly sabotaged myself. For all the life disappointments that stemmed for having a belief system that told me whatever I was doing was pointless because I was nothing and destined to be nothing more. Needing to discard this bullshit and own my power and strength.
While I know doing the work to fully resolve and heal will be a process and take time … it is well underway. My mind, heart and soul felt lifted more and more and the false illusion is dissolved by newfound insights, truth and beliefs which rose out of this.
I am NOT nothing!
I am SOMETHING!
Something Great, Something GRAND!
I AM EVERYTHING!
I am LOVE!
I AM !
This is my truth, and I now feel reborn because of it. I am reenergized and excited about life, and my future. I know as blessed as my life is and all the good that I am ever so grateful for , regardless of any all difficulties, hardships and pain. I know that my life is still so sweet and I’ve come such a long way, so it excites me to realized if my life could be this blessed with all this fucked up bs inside me… I am excited to see where I can go now that I see this truth and am abandoning the lies.
I share this, not for sympathy, or validation or whatever. Not to brag about my life and how excited I am for my prospect or any of that. I share this because I know if I felt this muck and crap inside… I am not the only one. There are so many other out there suffering from such false and negative beliefs, and this is to say, if you can see it, grasp hold of it and let go of the lies and BS … the world can and will open up in so many wonderous ways for you.
You are not your limiting beliefs. You are more… so much more than what you think. It is time to let it all go and step into you fullest, brightest self.
Shine bright my friends, let you brilliance shine in whatever forms it may be.