The ideal scenario that parenting is the most amazing wonder beautiful thing all perfect all roses vs. The reality is that it’s one of the most difficult, painful, stressful acts of selflessness one can strive for.

So many parents praise the glory of parenting and make all sorts of false claims on how easy it is, how perfect their children are etc. Fearing the judgment of other

Except when they don’t, and those blessings feel more like stressors and triggers challenging you to work on yourself… If only not to kill them😒

Rather than speaking their truths as to how difficult it may be, how their kids are not perfect or other difficulties, they put on these roles colored lenses and declare to the world that parenting is such a heavenly, joy filled experience… Yeah right 😒

Kids on Christmas is a fkn stress… Let’s stop lying to the people. Yes it’s a beautiful feeling when can make them smile and happy… But the effort, expectations, begging, whining, bargining, complaining, etc… Can make that time of the year one of the most stressful.


Instead of being real and  speaking on how they (the parents) are not perfect and this journey is a constant path of struggling with yourself just as much as it is struggling with your children… We hear all this ideallic b.s.  about he amazing depths of love or life without kids being  life without meaning or how having kids filled a hole and void in their life, etc. All the ridiculous false narratives floating around out there.


Such a beautiful 💓 sentiment… But what if it was all ass backwards? What if in not loving yourself fully, you never really love your kids the way they deserve? … Buuuut it also takes work to own thoughts like that.



The truth is , being a Dad, a parent , etc… Is an imperfect process with imperfect beings and imperfect love… Making the effort to get it all ‘right’.

Finding perfection in the process of learning and growing as we guide our kids to do the same.


If more could or would admit the truth, maybe there would be fewer people rushing into having kids before their time. Maybe there would more support from the community of fellow parents the community of those around you, etc.

If more would stand up and speak their truths… ‘This is hard’, ‘I am struggling’, ‘I am doing my best, and still feel as though I’m  lacking’. 

If we could accept those tough truths rather than deny them, how much better would we be as parents? How much love, support, help and empathy could we receive? How much more empowered would we be in the process?




Full disclosure… I suck at a lot of this stuff. I’m not as patient as I’d like to be. I’m more controlling than I ever realized. I can be harder than I actually want. I struggle between properly disciplining, and wanting to be liked and not do the disservice I felt growing up. This Daddy thing can be difficult and is a struggle at times.  That’s my truth, and a far too unspoken truth for many.

Yet in seeing and recognizing these things… I get better everyday with them. I’m not in denial with rose colored glasses. Yes there are amazing highs… Beautiful moments and a life changing empowering experience for me … But I work towards that.. everyday. With every choice. It is all part of the process. Each time I’m able to put a pause on a quick tempered reaction and take a breath, that’s a win. Noticing these short comings to work on them, that’s a win. Every time I conscioully pull back and choose to allow my son to experience the consequences of his choices rather than forcing my choice on him… That is a win.

If more parents could peak and express heir truth, maybe they would be fewer people taking the responsibility of child rearing so lightly.

Fewer women having babies because they believe some magical boundless love that will come and fill the void and holes in their heart, in their lives. Fewer men willing to make babies because they believe it’s not my problem, it’s the woman’s, that having babies or kids is easy. Fewer outsiders judging and mocking the trials and difficulties parents go through. 

More support of each other as a community sharing a similar journey, as opposed to an everyman for themselves mentality.

More  love and support from our families, and communities for parents and families. More getting back to that sense of community and that idea that it takes a village to raise a child.


But what do I know… I’m just a guy… A father, a man … Ranting on my own ideal vision of what the world could be.

Just food for thought y’all.

Peace and blessings.
Namaste

About the Author Zay

Fatherhood is a helluva ride. The motivating factors in this whirlwind adventure that is my life, are my passion and my heart. All things spiritual feed my soul. Technology fuels curiosity and imagination. Yet my family, brings me peace... Blessings! The God in me, acknowledges the god in you! Namaste!

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